Don’t Dress Like a Pirate! A Blog that reviews pirate costumes.

Don’t Dress Like a Pirate!

A Blog that reviews pirate costumes.

Let’s be clear, the pirate costume is not a good costume. It’s not even the worst costume, but it’s in the bottom ten. There are many things wrong with it, but here are my top three:

First of all, most people are bad at dressing up as pirates. They don’t have the fashion sense to pull off the look, and end up looking like extras from a high school play instead of pirates.

Second, even if you’re good at it, they still look stupid. This is because they look like pirates! Pirates don’t look cool! Pirates are criminals! You’re just going to look like a criminal if you dress like a pirate.

Thirdly: it’s a cliche. If you want to stand out at a party, don’t dress as a pirate! Everyone dresses as a pirate these days, and everyone knows why – because they think they’re going to find buried treasure. The thing is, nobody ever finds any buried treasure these days because there isn’t any left. And even if there was some buried treasure left nobody could find it because everyone has dressed as pirates and done their best to find the treasure already.

The web is filled with pirate costumes, but how do you tell a good one from a bad one? There are a number of factors.

The first thing to remember is that Good Pirate Costumes are not just jackets and hats. You need the right boots and pants to complete the look or else you’ll seem like a dork. The best pants are baggy with cuffs at the bottom (if you’re a woman) or striped with an elastic waistband (if you’re a man). Don’t get pants with buckles on them; those are for other kinds of pirates.

Next, make sure your accessories have an authentic look. Don’t dress up like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean unless you plan on dressing exactly like him. Otherwise, people will think you never got over that phase in junior high when everyone thought Captain Jack was so cool. Instead, choose items like eye patches and earrings that make it clear you’re playing the part of a generic pirate. If you’re a female pirate (a “wench”), make sure you don’t wear a pirate hat too big for your head (or one at all). It looks dumb and people will laugh at you instead of with you.

I’m not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know a thing or two about pirates. So when I saw an article in one of my pirate periodicals about some new “authentic pirate clothing,” I couldn’t wait to check it out! But it was so bad, I just had to write about it.

The costumes were pretty standard—tricorn hats, bandanas, and ruffled shirts. They even had peg legs and hooks as accessories! All good stuff…if you want to dress like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. But anyone who knows anything about pirates knows they didn’t wear tricorn hats!

Tricorns were three-cornered hats popularized by French and British aristocrats during the late 1600s and early 1700s. They were worn by wealthy gentlemen (and even ladies) on land, but they would certainly never have been worn at sea. The salty sea air would have ruined them in no time! And if you think that wearing one on the water is no big deal, try swimming with one on your head and get back to me.

Historical pirates did wear bandanas and headscarves over their heads, though

Pirate costumes are a common sight at Halloween parties, but few people know much about what pirates really wore. The most common pirate costume is simply a t-shirt and jeans with a bandanna and eye patch. While this is better than nothing, it’s not much of an attempt to dress like a pirate.

Pirates came from many different backgrounds, so there was no single “pirate costume.” Pirates often wore the same clothing they had worn before becoming pirates. However, when they were recruited into a crew, they would often be given loose-fitting clothes that were more comfortable on ship and easier to swim in if you fell overboard. They might also be given parts of the captain’s uniform to wear if they were part of the captain’s crew.

Pirate costumes should include loose shirts or vests, baggy pants, boots or bare feet, and some sort of headwear (hats, bandannas, etc.). You can also add accessories like belts or sashes to keep your costume looking authentic.

The first thing to understand about pirates is that they did not wear costumes. The second thing to understand about pirates is that if you dress like a pirate, you’re going to get shot.

If you do insist on dressing like a pirate, for Halloween or for some other stupid reason, there are things you should know. First, don’t wear that costume where real pirates can see it. I’m talking about the people who work in our office and have to be nice to us because we pay them. Second, don’t wear the stupid hat. Get a real hat.

For the rest of this post I am going to assume that you want to dress like a pirate because you want to be one; that is, because you want people to think of you as a guy who will grab them by the throat and ask them if they’re talking to him; or as a girl who will knock your teeth out when you look at her breasts; or as someone who will jump off his ship with a knife in his teeth and swim up under yours and cut its anchor line and then board your ship and kill everyone on it while they’re still trying to figure out what’s happening.

I am not a pirate historian by trade, but I am a pirate enthusiast. What I know about pirates comes mostly from pop culture and my own personal research (mostly into the golden age of piracy). While you can listen to me, this is mostly a guide based on my own observations and opinions.

If you are going to be a pirate, you need to get your costume right. People will expect it, and you probably don’t want to disappoint them. But there’s more than one way to dress like a pirate and not all of them are created equal. So let’s get started!

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