Money is often a touchy subject, and the way you handle it with your partner may be filled with more symbolism than you realize. A recent survey shows that financial compatibility is more important to a successful marriage than sexual compatibility. In fact, many of the things that people fight about are actually related to money, even if we don’t realize it at first.
In this article we explore some of the ways in which money can act as a hint about your relationship:
-Money Talks. This is probably the most obvious one, but it’s worth emphasizing because so many people ignore it. If you and your partner aren’t talking about money, chances are you’re leaving some very large issues unresolved. It’s not enough to say “we don’t need to talk about that.” If you want a healthy relationship, then you need to have open communication overall, and that includes talking about finances.(continued)
What Does Money Say About Your Relationship?
A new study reveals what your views on money reveal about yours and your partner’s financial compatibility.
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Everyday, you are bombarded with subtle clues about your relationship. Traits that you may have considered insignificant in the beginning of your courtship can become glaring details as time goes by, particularly when it comes to money.
These clues can be as subtle as a simple question or as intense as a full blown fight. While their prevalence and severity may vary, their message is always the same: your financial compatibility is a key indicator of relationship success. So what do these hints look like and how should you handle them?
The first and most obvious sign that you are not on the same page financially is when one person suggests purchasing something that the other person doesn’t agree on. It may seem like a small thing but this is the moment where you need to stop and think about whether or not the purchase is necessary or if it just represents a lack of financial restraint.
If you are spending money on something that your partner considers frivolous, then this could be the first sign that there is either a difference in your spending habits or that one of you has unrealistic expectations about money. Neither bodes well for your future together.
There are many clues to a relationship, and they’re not always what you think. Over the years I have met with thousands of couples struggling with their relationships, and have found that where the money goes and how it’s spent, is often an indicator of the health of the relationship.
The first thing to know about money is that it’s just a tool. It’s a way for us to keep track of our energy exchange with the world. Money is a metaphor for our value in the world and an indicator of how we value ourselves. If you don’t believe me, think about how quickly your heart starts to race when you notice that you’ve lost your wallet or when you realize that your credit cards have been stolen.
Money is also something we all have different approaches towards. As children we’re often taught, either by word or deed, what money means and what our role is with regard to it; saver or spender, organizer or disorganized, reckless or cautious – there’s no in-between here. These early learnings can be extremely helpful guides in understanding ourselves as adults, but they can sometimes get us into trouble when we take them too far and apply them indiscriminately to every person and situation we encounter.
If your partner is a spender and you are a saver, then chances are you will feel anxious when they spend money. If they often spend money without consulting you, then it can be even more upsetting.
If this situation is familiar to you, then take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. According to a recent survey of over 2,000 people who live with their partner or spouse, almost half of respondents feel that financial differences cause tension within their relationship.
Furthermore, nearly one-third of the respondents stated that arguments about money issues are common in their relationship. The study revealed that at the beginning of a relationship, couples often talk about finance and lifestyle preferences. However, after being together for a while, these conversations can stop happening altogether.
Money, sex and power are the three main reasons for divorce. If you have been together for any amount of time, you have figured out who does what. This is a healthy arrangement if both people are happy doing their tasks. If one partner is not satisfied with the arrangement and wants to change it, problems can arise.
Most people do not like to talk about money because it is such a personal issue. You feel very uncomfortable discussing your spending habits with your friends or family, let alone your lover. There is no need to avoid discussing money in your relationship as long as you are honest, tactful and respectful of one another’s privacy. It may be an awkward conversation at first, but it will be well worth it in the end to avoid living with a financial cheat.
When I ask my clients how they found out their spouse was cheating on them emotionally or physically they usually say they suspected something was going on but didn’t want to know or they just knew because something changed in the way they were treated. With money it’s the same thing; if something changes in the way he spends his money or handles finances, then you should look into it more closely and find out why.
If he’s spending more money than usual without telling you, then he’s
…We developed a relationship with money early on in life, which makes it hard to separate our feelings about money from our beliefs about it.
Many of us have been so conditioned to think about money as a scarce resource that finding someone who thinks differently than we do can feel jarring. We may be uncertain whether the person is simply foolhardy or is just plain irresponsible.
But when you find yourself in a relationship where financial values are different, it’s important not to judge each other’s habits too harshly. Instead, try not to get defensive, and instead ask questions to better understand the other person’s perspective. Maybe they grew up with more resources than you did, or maybe they had less. Maybe they were overly cautious about spending as a result of their upbringing, or maybe their family was freer with their funds.
Whatever the case may be, spending patterns and financial habits have been formed over time – and sometimes without much conscious awareness on our part. So before you get too critical of your partner’s spending habits, think back to your own family of origin, and how this has influenced your own view of money.