What to Do When You’re in Trouble
A blog about comic book villains and what they all have in common.
This is an essay by a guy named Paul Graham who writes about startups. You can read it if you want, but you should know that he has a lot of money and is probably wrong about everything. Anyway, it’s primarily about how to make money and not about comic book villains at all. This is a blog about comic book villains and what they all have in common, so I’m going to just skip over the part where Paul Graham describes things other than comic book villains.
Here are some things that all comic book villains have in common:
They are evil.
They are greedy.
They are selfish.
They hurt people without remorse because they do not care about anyone else.
They want to take over the world or destroy it, usually both.
They are really bad at making friends who will help them when they get into trouble, which they do often because they are terrible people who make terrible decisions based entirely on their own self-interests without thinking of the consequences to other people or themselves until it is too late and they find themselves in deep trouble and alone with no one to help them.
Have you ever been in trouble? I have. It seems like everyone has at some point. I used to always get into trouble, but now I’m always getting out of it.
In the words of my favorite supervillain, “I used to be in trouble all the time, but now I’ve got a new plan.”
What’s my secret? How do I stay out of trouble? Well, it’s not easy. But if you try hard enough, you can do it too!
I’ve always been in trouble. When I was young, I was in trouble for being “too smart” and “too independent.” As an adult, I got into trouble for being “too ambitious” and “too reckless.” For the past few years, though, I’ve been working hard on changing my ways.
Why? Because getting into trouble isn’t fun! It means that you’re not doing something right and someone else is going to have to come to your rescue every time. And that can be embarrassing or annoying or even dangerous. Plus, when you’re in trouble all the time, people start to get tired of helping you out. They might even stop liking you altogether!
But there’s another reason why being in trouble isn’t fun:
I’ve been bad.
I’ve been very, very bad.
I’m not talking about those times I accidentally made a villain’s lair look like a dentist’s office, or the time I didn’t realize I had painted that one bit of scenery with an exact replica of the bat-signal, or when my best friend got turned into a patchwork monster by a mad scientist and I totally didn’t notice until he started screaming.
No, I’m talking about this time. This really, really bad thing that happened. This dark secret that is mine and mine alone.
I am in trouble.
People are always asking me, “Bob, how do you get a job as a costume designer?” It’s an understandable question. There are only a few hundred people in the world who do this for a living, and it’s not unusual to have to wait several years before getting one.
The secret of my success? I always ask myself, “What would Batman do?”
Batman is the most interesting character to write about when you’re considering what to wear or how to behave in an emergency situation. He is always dressed in his iconic black cape and cowl and he has been known to save the day by taking hostages and threatening villains with guns. His character is so complex that he can’t be described in just one sentence.
But he does have some commonalities that I’d like to share with you today.
1) Always dress appropriately for the situation. You never want to look like you’re trying too hard. If you’re going out to dinner with your girlfriend, wear something casual but don’t go overboard on jewelry and accessories–you’ll look like someone who cares more about money than they should! Batman wouldn’t wear any fancy clothes while fighting crime because it would distract from what he’s doing (which is saving lives).
2) Batman never
You may have heard the old saying that “every villain is the hero of his own story.” This is a common theme in fiction and art, but it’s also true in real life. Everybody has a story about themselves, and even if you’re a bad person, you probably think you’re pretty good.
The problem is that your personal narrative might be wrong. Sometimes things happen to us that are beyond our control, and our circumstances change or we get older or we find ourselves in difficult situations. And when that happens, it can be hard to see what we did wrong and how to fix it. We might think we’re still the good guy and everyone else is in the wrong.
But it’s not just those who’ve done something terrible who can fall into this trap. Whether it’s because of an accident or an injury or something else altogether, sometimes things happen to us that are beyond our control and they change who we are. And when that happens, it can be hard to see what we did wrong and how to fix it. We might think we’re still the good guy and everyone else is in the wrong.
I’m here today with five tips on how to recognize when your personal narrative has gone off course and what you can do about it….
Your Primary Goal: To get people to see you as a friend and ally.
The key here is to make yourself appear approachable and non-threatening. Tone of voice is important, but smiling is even more so; a smile can put someone at ease almost instantly. But you have to be careful not to overdo it. You don’t want your smile to look fake or forced, which will only make people suspicious of you.
Your Secondary Goal: To avoid confrontation with the person you’re talking to.
In order to do this, you need to appeal to their sense of self-preservation. For example: “I know how hard it must be to work in a place like this, with customers coming in all day long and making demands on your time.” Or: “You know, I’ve been in your shoes before.” Or: “I’m sure your manager would appreciate it if you could help me out with this problem.”