What You Can Do About a Burned Out Conversation
How to deal with people at events and networking.
By: Amanda Berlin, Author of The Badass Girl’s Guide: Uncommon Strategies to Outsmart Anxiety and the book I Wear the Cow Costumethe blog I Wear the Cow Costume.
You’re attending an event, maybe a conference, party or networking event. You’ve made it past the awkward introductions and have been talking for what seems like forever about nothing in particular. Your conversation has veered into burned-out territory and you are desperate to extract yourself from this situation with grace and tact – or at least without being obvious in your desperation. Here are some tips on how to handle a situation that isn’t hopeless and can be salvaged with a little finesse.
It’s easy to burn out a conversation topic. When the conversation starts to feel strained, it’s time to move on.
The quickest way to kill a conversation is by spending too much time talking about yourself. This can happen during informational interviews, networking events and even friendly conversations with new acquaintances.
Even when the topic is something that you’re passionate about — your career, for example — it’s better to spend more time asking questions than providing answers.
If you do find yourself in a rut, here are some ways to change the subject:
– Describe your work or project in a sentence or two and then ask, “What do you think?”
– Ask: “What brought you here tonight?” or, “How do you know the host?”
– Ask: “What’s the best part of your job?” or, “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve worked on recently?”
– Ask: “Do you like living here?” or, “Do you have any plans for vacation this summer?”
– Ask: “Have you read any good books lately that I should check out?” or, “Are there any movies coming out that you want to see?”
– Start talking about a hobby that is interesting but not all-
If you have a conversation, and it’s running dry, there are at least three things you can do:
Tell a story. This is by far my favorite move. If I’m feeling uninspired, I’ll just start talking and see where it goes. Usually I’ll get to some interesting point and realize I’ve been talking for 5 minutes. I’ll have gotten carried away by the topic. When that happens, it’s almost never me that brings up the next topic; the other person starts asking questions or suggesting new paths to explore.
If you don’t have any stories to tell, be a good listener. This is easy if you’re a social butterfly like me, but if you’re not then don’t worry about it. There will almost always be people in the room who are more talkative than you are. Find them and listen to them. Ask them questions about themselves and their lives; people love to talk about themselves when they’re given a chance. Then come back with your own experiences, or just ask for more details on what they were saying earlier.
Be a host; introduce people to each other. This is actually one of my least favorite moves because it’s boring, but it can be useful if nothing else is working. It’s
Are you a people person? If so, you’re always on the lookout for new ways to connect with people. But as your network grows, it can become harder to keep touch with everyone. Or maybe you ran into someone interesting at an event and want to get in touch but don’t know how.
You don’t need to be a networking expert to forge meaningful connections with new friends and colleagues. Here are some tips for how to make new contacts and keep up with your existing ones:
1. If you have someone’s contact information, use it! Emailing or texting a friend is a great way to follow up after meeting them. They’ll be happy to hear from you, and it will help them remember who you are when they see your name later on.
2. If someone contacts you first, respond in kind! The world would be a lonely place if we all waited around for other people to make the first move. Don’t be shy about reaching out-everyone appreciates a friendly gesture now and then.
3. Don’t be afraid of rejection! If someone doesn’t respond or seems uninterested in maintaining a relationship, that’s their loss-not yours! Keep your chin up; there are plenty of fish in the sea
As a human being, you have an innate need for connection and conversation. But what happens when the conversation dies?
I recently had an event where I was in a group of people talking about their businesses. I started off strong with a lot of enthusiasm. But at some point the conversation became dull and no one seemed to care anymore. I felt like I was wearing a cow costume while riding on a rollercoaster during an earthquake.
In my head, I was thinking, “What am I doing wrong?!”
And do you want to know what happened next?
It was Halloween. I was in a cow costume and my wife was dressed as a chicken. We were at a party, trying to make conversation with another couple. The women were getting along well, so the guys started talking about business.
The other guy looked me up and down, noticing the cow spots painted on my cheeks.
He smirked and said, “So… what do you do?”
I took a deep breath, smiled wide and shouted, “MOOOOOOO!”
He laughed. He got it. I’m not just some dude in a cow costume; I’m also a marketer who helps people be remarkable so they can become more successful.
This is one of my favorite stories from over 20 years of business. And it illustrates one of the most important lessons of networking: don’t take yourself too seriously.
If you’re going to a networking event, a hackathon, or a party with people you’ve never met before, you’ll probably end up having the same conversation three times. You’ll introduce yourself, ask what they do, and then awkwardly try to find a common topic of interest.
Instead of doing that: bring something cool. You can wear this cow costume and wait for someone to say something about being a “cow.” You can do it without the costume by just saying “I’m thinking of becoming a cow.” Either way, the conversation will go somewhere interesting.
The next time you go to an event where you don’t know anyone, bring something cool. The easiest way to break the ice is to have people come up and say something about what you’re wearing.