We’ve all been there. You’re dressed up in your ninja costume, but still you get the feeling that something is amiss. Maybe you don’t look like a ninja. Here are five signs that might be the case.
1. Your ninja outfit is made of silk.
2. You have a long pony tail and bangs that cover your forehead.
3. You have facial hair such as a goatee or mustache, or both.
4. If someone calls you “Dude,” you respond, “Whaddup?”
5. Remember when we said to forget everything you know about ninjas? Well, if your outfit includes a big red ball on the back of your head, then don’t forget everything we said about ninjas because this isn’t the kind of ninja we’re talking about here at all!
This blog is about ninja costumes. If you’ve never worn one, you’re probably sitting there thinking, “How could a ninja costume possibly look bad? Isn’t the whole point to wear all black and disappear?” Yes and no. There are many different kinds of ninja costumes, and some of them are better than others. Here are five signs that your costume may not be doing its job:
1. You can see the person wearing it.
2. It’s made of cotton.
3. There’s a red circle on the chest with large white letters that say “NINJA”.
4. It’s so skinny that a gust of wind would knock it over.
5. The person wearing it is not also wearing black lipstick and/or eyeliner.
I am just a humble ninja. I’ve never been paid to assassinate anyone, or steal a priceless relic, or even protect the emperor. So I have no need of a ninja costume.
But I’m going to get one anyway.
I’m not sure where I’ll find the time to fit this into my schedule, since my current job as a ninja instructor leaves me little time for anything else. But if you’re reading this, it means I have managed to achieve my dream of earning a living by writing about what it’s like to be a ninja.
I know that sounds implausible because there aren’t any ninjas around anymore except me and the people who take my classes and the few others who claim to be ninjas but are just fakers trying to cash in on our fame. But if you want something badly enough, you can usually make it happen.
If you want to become a writer, for example, the first step is to write things. If you want to be rich and famous, one way is to do something that makes you rich and famous. And if you want to look like a ninja, here are five signs that might help:
How to tell if you’re a ninja.
1. You wear all black, even when it’s not appropriate
Ninjas are known for their all-black outfits, which help them blend into the shadows. If you want to look like a ninja, try wearing black clothing or a black costume.
2. You’ve mastered the art of invisibility
3. You have weapons on hand at all times
4. You can leap tall buildings in a single bound
5. You can scale walls with your bare hands